how to stop thinking about your ex

How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex

Patric Tarnhamn Getting Over Your Ex Comments

If you recently got out of a relationship and can't stop thinking about your ex I know EXACTLY how you feel.

You can't focus.

You feel hopeless.

And you're thinking about reaching out to your ex, but something tells you that's not a good idea.

And on top of that you wouldn't know what to say anyway.

So now you just wish there was a switch you could flick to make all the thoughts about your ex go away.

turn of thoughts switch

Unfortunately, there is not such a thing.

But!

In this post I will show some techniques you can use to get someone off your mind so you can get a peace of mind.

Keep reading.

The Problem With Thinking Too Much About Someone

Having a constant train of thoughts about your ex when you want to get over them can be very annoying.

You can feel as your mind is going CRAZY and there is no way to switch it off. Some even claim it can be a similar experience to having a OCD.

i can't stop thinking about her or him

It drives you to madness, especially when you’re dealing with tasks that need your full attention and focus.

The problem with wanting to stop thinking about somebody is that when you realize that you need to stop, it’s often too late. You have already built so much attention around this person in your head, that your mind is now gotten accustomed to it.

Here’s the deal:

When we think about somebody a lot, our mind believes that since we think so much on this, it must be very important, which reinforces the pattern. And this is why it can be so hard to stop thinking about someone.

you are on my mind

So in order to stop obsessing over someone, you have to go back and understand the root cause behind why you ended up with this obsessive thinking about your ex in the first place.

Let me introduce you to the Idolizing loop.


The Idolizing Loop

The reason you’re not able to get your ex out of your head is probably that you’ve been a victim of putting them on a pedestal.

This includes thinking about everything that you liked about them and how good they made you feel, how funny they were, or how amazing their family was.

perfect image of an ex

We do this to keep the good feelings from the relationship within us alive because some part of us don't want to let go and move forward.

If this sounds familiar, it's likely that you currently are going through the 4th stage of breakup grief.

This is referred to the bargaining/relapse stage where there is a part of you that's holding on to the idea of getting back together with your ex.  Learn more about the 7 stages of breakup grief here.

Now:

Holding on to good memories from the relationship can make you feel like it's still alive, but it also makes the moving-on process much harder. When you idolize, you create a reality that does not exist. It’s fiction built up in your head.

And your ex becomes this perfect person who you will never ever be able to replace.

putting someone on a pedestal

What’s the bottom line?

When you start worshipping, you build them up, which makes you think about them even more, and eventually, you get stuck in an idolizing loop that just gets stronger and stronger.

The tricky thing about the idolizing loop is that you don’t realize you are doing it; you actually believe that what you think is true.

But what you fail to notice is that you pay attention to the negative aspects nowhere near as much as you do the positive ones. Anyone can become amazing if you refuse to notice their negative aspects.

How to stop the idolizing loop

Your job is to be your own idol police and make sure that for every unwanted or intrusive thought about your ex that shows the slightest hint of you worshipping them or your relationship, you force yourself to balance it out by thinking about the arguing, how different you were, or how you could not make certain areas of your relationship work out.

You could say the idea is to "trash think" your ex. But I would recommend staying honest about the image of who they ACTUALLY were to you in your relationship.

But this time, without any worshipping.

Stop Thinking About Your Ex Right Now!

Find out how to stop thinking about your ex and transform your breakup into the best thing that could have ever happened to you!

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Two Practical Exercises To Help You Stop Thinking About Your Ex

Your effort can determine how long it will take to get over someone and for you to get back to your normal or even happier self.

Most people don’t use the things they learn; they take the knowledge and feel a little better about learning something new, thinking that they will use it later or when the right situation presents itself.

I encourage you as you read the following two exercises to stop reading and make a list of what you need to do and then start executing on what you just learned for best results.

Practical Exercise #1: Ten Negative Truths About My Ex (Idolizing Prevention List)

This exercise will help you when you can't stop thinking about someone and having idolizing thoughts about your ex by balancing out the good with the bad.

It will provide you with clear reasons why your longing thoughts about your ex are representing a fake reality that your mind is simply making up because you are currently undergoing change.

 

Practical Exercise #2: Breakup Insights

This exercise will help to make sure that you don’t dwell on the past and get stuck thinking about what caused your breakup.

Use this exercise to become free from any regrets or thoughts is distracting you from thinking clearly.

Avoid doing this exercise in a familiar place, like in your bed or anywhere in your home. This is to avoid enforcing the habit of thinking about your ex when in your everyday environment.

Go somewhere nearby, like a café, library, or park, where you will be able to think without being disturbed.

 

Quick Tips For How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex

Here are some more actions that will take the pressure off your mind if you can't stop thinking about someone.

  • Making an ex-free environment by removing things in your current environment that reminds you of your ex
  • Schedule positive activities to rejuvenate yourself emotionally as you are recovering from your breakup
  • Venting feelings to a friend or coach
  • Exercise puts your body under stress and forces your attention elsewhere

I'd Like To Hear From You


What methods are you going to try to stop thinking about your ex?

Ask any question you might have or share any experience that could be inspirational to others.