This guide will show you how to get over your breakup by focusing on yourself.
The best part?
Get an amazing life.
By following these 6 steps after the breakup, you will be able to transform your life, become happier and a more fulfilled person.
Which ultimately helps you move past your breakup.
Let's get started.
Step #1: Go No Contact
To succeed in turning heartbreak into breakthrough you're going to need focus.
Having focus will bring clarity and help you prioritize what really matters, like your overall well being, future, growth and happiness.
And maybe most importantly, learning how to cope with grief.
But in order to create focus, you first need to look at the opposite of focus.
And the biggest distraction of them all can not only hijack your thoughts, sleep, emotions and time, but also take you off course like nothing else.
Yes, I'm referring to your EX.
Having your ex's name keep buzzing on your phone as you're trying to turn your life around will be the BIGGEST distraction of them all.
And this is why the first step towards improving your life is to go no contact.
This does not necessarily mean that you will never speak with your ex again. It just means that for now, you are going to prioritize what's best you, such as working towards creating an exciting life for yourself and become independently stronger.
You can start by taking the quiz below to find out the best no contact period for your situation and then move on to step #2.
Read the full post about the no contact rule here.
Step #2: Write Your Personal Life Vision
After you temporarily or permanently removed the biggest distraction from your life (your ex), you will likely start to feel a growing emptiness emerge as something just been ripped out.
This feeling of void needs to be consciously replaced with focusing on what you are going to create for yourself.
A better life.
If you don't replace the feeling of emptiness with something greater, your mind will keep showing you old reruns with "best off moments" from your relationship.
This will go on until you one day wake up asking yourself: What the hell am I doing living of old memories when I can spend my time creating new ones?
You get the life you design.
If you want to have a great life, start by mapping out what a great life would look like.
Without a map, you have no direction, without direction, you have no clue, without a clue, you will not do, when you don't do, you will not get, and when you don't get, you complain.
Don't complain. Just create a map.
When you put time into questioning and answering what a great life would look like you open up new paths in your mind leading a better future.
The more time you spend on perfecting your vision for the future, the more clear you get on what it is that you want.
And clarity is crucial for taking action.
This is why the second step towards transforming your breakup into breakthrough will be to create your personal life vision.
Start by downloading the step-by-step guide below and when you are done, move on to step #3.
Personal Life Vision Guide: Get it here
Step #3: Pick One Goal And Break It Down
Now you have your personal life vision in place - good job!
The only thing missing now is some highly practical action steps that are going to help you move closer to towards the vision you created.
It's time to break down your vision into goals.
Goals are like the step-by-step instructions in a cookbook and your vision is the delicious picture next to it.
Without the step-by-step instructions, the only things you get is an increased appetite.
For the sake of keeping things simple and avoid overwhelming yourself. I recommend starting out with focusing on only ONE thing in your life vision that you're going to put into reality (preferably what gets you the most excited).
When you have picked your goal, break it down into as small actionable pieces as possible.
- First set a realistic time-frame for reaching your goal.
- Break down what actions you need to take on a yearly, quarterly, monthly and weekly basis in order to reach it.
Doing this will help you to manage your goal and see it from a practical perspective.
It becomes clear what you need to do on a weekly basis when you know what you have to do on a monthly basis. And you’ll know where you need to be on a monthly by looking at the quarterly and so on...
In order to make it easier for you I've developed a Goal Mapping Sheet which you can use to organize your goals and keep track of your progress.
Check the video below to see how it works.
(video coming soon...)
Goal Mapping Sheet + Fitness goal breakdown example: (coming soon...)
Step #4: Develop And Follow a Daily Morning Ritual
At this stage, you have the following three things in place.
- Improved focus (with the no contact rule)
- Your personal life vision for an ideal future
- A goal that is broken down into actionable steps
The only thing missing now is taking MASSIVE action towards achieving your goal and get one step closer to living your ideal life.
So, why have I included 3 more steps?
Well first off, know that I would never make you do things just for the sake of doing.
I know that people (myself included) are generally lazy and always prefer the magic pill solution (if it only existed...). So trust me when I say that I've only included the absolutely necessary to help you transform your breakup into the start of a better life.
But if your anything like me, you find it quite easy to understand how to do something, but actually DOING IT is a totally different story...
I always had massive problems getting myself to do things and this horrible habit started in my early school years.
It did not matter if I had a HUGE test coming up. I could be sitting in front of my computer the day before with my books lying just right next to me, but I STILL could not get myself to do it.
In later stages of life, as I developed a vision and goals for myself I decided to start my own online business. At this point, I started to feel desperate for a solution on how to break my lazy habits. I could feel how it was holding me back from living the life I wanted.
But since I always had been struggling with getting things done, I was starting to believe that it was just who I was and there was no way to change it.
Until one day, the solution presented itself...
I was going through an online course on how to become more productive and getting things done, and it became very clear to me.
I had to manifest a morning ritual.
There are two big reasons why having a morning ritual works so well:
- It's the first thing you do and it sets the tone for the rest of the day
- It's something you do every day so it becomes a habit (success are built on good habits)
Let's keep things simple.
Here's a list with great habits you can choose from to include in your morning ritual, **considered crucial. *highly recommended
- **Read through your personal life vision
- **Look at your goals and plan the day (goal setting sheet)
- *Drink water to stay hydrated (our body is 70% water)
- Make the bed
- Write down 3 things you a grateful for
- Visualize the outcome you want for the day and/or for future goals
- Read affirmations
- Eat healthy breakfast / take nutrition supplements
I have personally tested all of the above and think they're all good. But I believe it's important that you try some different ones and listen within what works best for you.
This is how my morning ritual looks like right now
- Drink water
- Meditate 20 minutes
- Make bed
- Look at my goals and plan my day (goal mapping sheet)
- Skim through my life vision (I know it by heart)
Step #5: Track Your Progress And Habits
I've come to understand is that creating and manifesting new habits in life is difficult. But creating and manifesting new habits in life without tracking the progress, is impossible.
What gets measured gets managed.
So if you're serious about transforming your life and create lasting change, you need to keep track of your progress.
By tracking your daily activities you create a greater understanding of yourself and your life. It's amazing how clear things get when you can zoom out and look at your life from a larger perspective.
It's really amazing, but nobody I've ever met is doing this.
And this is why I have created a tool you can use to keep track of your daily habits called "Habit Tracker Tool".
When used frequently every day, this tool becomes very powerful.
The habit tracker tool will help you keep track of the following areas of your life.
- Your emotions & body (passion level, overall mood, body soreness)
- Reading habits
- Meditation habits
- Daily planning habits
- Vision & mindset habits
- The quality of your social life
- The quality of your food intake
- How many hours you work
- How productive you are at work
- How disciplined/focused you are at work
Habit Tracker Tool: (coming soon...)
Step #6: Never Give Up
As corny as it sounds, I knew this message had to be included when I started writing this post.
Because after spending many years trying to change and improve several different areas of my life I've learned that dreams do come into reality, but often much slower than planned for.
Great transformations take time.
But if you can stay on course and keep pushing towards your vision and goals every day you will eventually get there.
It's a fact, you just need to keep reminding yourself to stay consistent with your actions and the results will follow.
The biggest mistake you can make is giving up.
You never know how close you are form having your life take a 180-degree turn in a totally new and amazing direction. It can happen very suddenly in many different unexpected ways.
Links and resources
Now It's Your Turn!
Now I’d like to hear from you:
What does your ideal future look like?
What goal are you going to focus on while you recover from your breakup?
Ask any question you might have or share any experience that could be inspirational to others.
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